Truths of Apartment Hunting

• When they show you the common living areas first, and spend a seemingly disproportionate amount of time talking about how great those common areas are, the bedroom will be incredibly small. Conversely, if they head straight for the bedroom, it's probably pretty big.
• People who work at the Pentagon, or in the military, keep their place spotless and perfectly organized. Sometimes they want you to take your shoes off upon entering. Needless to say, this will not be a good fit for me.
• Apartments with ceiling fans are not safe for Rudy. I can just picture him exploding in a big puff of orange and yellow feathers, a la the infamous baseball pitch of the late 20th century. Oh, the humanity!
• I have no qualms with sharing a place with one gay man, one gay woman, or two gay women who are partners. Apparently, however, I get a little squeamish at the prospect of sharing a place with two gay men who are partners... what if I hear something!