Before I Sleep

Rudy On Head

2008-07-21T23:55:00.000-04:00

Sure, I could spend a few minutes regaling you with stories of moving into my new apartment, and then finding out that said apartment is HAUNTED; I could talk about my ire at learning of the elitist snobby bullshit pulled by the owner of Murky's Coffee in Arlington; I could talk about how much fun I had at Kal's wedding (and the ensuing 3 hour nap on the bathroom floor).

But that would all require too much work.

So instead, I bring you this photograph, taken circa 2008 with my iPhone, and spruced up a bit in a photo editor. I call it, "Rudy On Head." Discuss.

A Ginger Snap Vignette

2008-07-11T14:22:00.000-04:00

As Matt walks through the office hallways, he overhears two secretaries talking about ginger snaps.

Secretary 1: I can't find old fashioned ginger snaps anywhere.
Matt (stops in his tracks): Are you looking for old fashioned ginger snaps?
S: Do you know where I can find them??
M: Not yet. But I'm going to make it my mission.
S2: Really?
M: You're looking for ginger snaps, right?
S1: Yes.
M: That's a cause I can get behind.
S1 and S2 (all smiles): Thanks!

As Matt walks away, he hears them in the distance. S1: "He's so nice!"

Moving In

2008-07-10T00:48:00.003-04:00

I've spent the last couple of weeks moving in to my new home in North Arlington (about a mile from the Ballston Metro, for those of you who know the area). The house is really nice, and I share it with a couple of great people. I have been putting everything together -- setting it up just the way I like it. I always hate the logistical nightmare of moving OUT of an old place, but I love the POSSIBILITIES of moving into a new place. I am definitely of the mindset that My Home Is My Castle -- but, more accurately, I would say that My Home Is My Sanctuary. I love to feel peaceful, comfortable, safe, relaxed. That is what I am trying to set up.

Because it is late and I am tired and I have to get to work in the morning (yay being a real live communications lawyer!), I will leave you with this candid shot (artfully edited in post) showing Yours Truly preparing to rehearse the 1812 Overture for last week's July 4th concert on the Mall. It was a blast!

(Photo credit: Nathan Mitchell, CASW Bass)

Tenor Tip IV: Will It Blend?

2008-06-27T22:07:00.001-04:00

Tenor Tips IV from Matt S. on Vimeo.

Another Double Rainbow Over DC

2008-06-23T20:22:00.002-04:00

Double Rainbow Over DC, 6/23/08, originally uploaded by CaseWriter21.

A second double rainbow within a week. Was it another Russert miracle? Or was someone else behind this one? I report live from our nation's capital.

Rudy the Fighter Pilot

2008-06-20T23:14:00.004-04:00

I want to take a moment to describe an episode tonight that proves Rudy the parrot is actually a fighter pilot.

Rudy was in the bathroom with me but I wanted my privacy. So I stood up and grabbed Rudy off the window sill (BRAK!) and tossed him out the door. Rudy starts flapping, hovers in mid-air, turns around, and heads back toward my head. I hold both my hands out in front of me to block his path. He instantaneously stops flapping his wings and drops about five feet straight down, then starts flapping again when he is about six inches above the floor, flies past me into the bathroom about a foot off the ground, then once he's clear flies upward about four feet and lands back on the window sill.

Rudy is a FIGHTER PILOT.

Segway vs. Other Forms of Transportation

2008-06-16T13:31:00.003-04:00

With gas way over $4/gallon, many people have begun considering alternate forms of transportation. As someone who actually owns a car, bicycle, and a Segway, let me briefly recount my experiences using each method (as well as public transportation and walking) commuting 3 miles to work in Washington DC:

Car: Driving 3 miles to work takes about 8 minutes. Oh, I'm sorry, are you looking for a time quote DURING rush hour? Oh. Well in that case, it takes 20-30 minutes. During the summer, it's also 90+ degrees here, which means I have the A/C blasting and am burning through the $4.15 gallon of gas far more quickly than the 25 mpg I'm supposed to get. When I finally get to work, I can park in a garage for around $10 (a good price for this city), or drive around for a while, find a meter somewhere, and keep pumping $1/hour in quarters into it all day (thus ruining my productivity at work as I constantly have to break my train of thought to go downstairs and feed the meter). Or I could just pay the $235/month for a monthly garage pass. Either way, we're talking lots of time, lots of gas, and lots of money for parking.

SUMMARY: ~25 minutes, $10+ in parking and gas, NOT stinky when I get there.

Initial cost: $12,000-40,000+, depending on how fancy you want to get.

Bicycle: The most common response when people find out I have a Segway is, "Why didn't you get a bike?" Well, I have a bike. Thing is, biking up and down hills for a few miles in 90 degree weather with swamp-like humidity tends to cause incredible levels of perspiration and general stinkiness. What a great way to start the day, huh? Sure, I could shower in the little locker room at work, but I don't always want to deal the logistical questions of bringing clothes to work, showering there, etc. That said, when I do take the bike, I go down hills at about 20 mph and up hills at about 8 mph. On average it takes about 15 minutes to go three miles.

SUMMARY: ~15 minutes, no transportation cost, STINKY when I get there.

Initial cost: $200-2,500+, depending on how fancy you want to get.

Public transportation: I don't live near the Metro, so my only option is to take the bus. Some people might like waiting 20 minutes in the heat for three city buses to arrive in a clump, and then standing crammed in there like sardines for the next 25 minutes while drunken homeless men breath on you. I don't.

SUMMARY: ~45 minutes, $1.35 in fare (one way), not TOO stinky when I get there (but have to deal with a lot of stink on the way).

Initial cost: NONE.

Walking: I always love how health-minded people get when confronted with the prospect of riding a Segway around. "What ever happened to WALKING?" ask Comic Book Guy lookalikes who rarely venture out of their basement. But let's be fair and examine walking as an alternative. Sometimes, when it's a really beautiful day, say 65-70 degrees and sunny with a light breeze, I'll walk home from work. It only takes about 50 minutes and sometimes I stop off at the bookstore. How pleasant. Problem is, I don't generally like to take my sweet time walking TO work in the morning. Also, the weather is not usually as cooperative. DC humidity will make dress clothes stick to your body in about 10 minutes.

SUMMARY: ~50 minutes, no transportation cost, KINDA stinky when I get there.

Initial cost: NONE.

Segway: At its top speed of 12.5 mph, you can glide a mile (silly as it may be, that's the verb we use) in about five minutes. When you throw in waiting at crosswalks, it takes about 17 minutes to go 3 miles. Going downhill, I am passed by bicycles. Going uphill, I pass every bicycle. Either way, I never break a sweat. Riding the thing is incredibly fun, and after a while you tend to not notice the fact that people are staring. (Note: Most stares/shout-outs are of the "Holy crap it's a Segway!" variety, as opposed to "Holy crap it's a Nerd!" variety.) I lock the Segway up against a pole outside and set the alarm. Don't have to worry about changing clothes.

SUMMARY: ~17 minutes, a few cents in electricity to charge it (takes about 10 cents to fully charge and gets 20 miles on a charge), NOT stinky when I get there.

Initial cost: $4,500-5,500, depending on how fancy you want to get.

[I cannot compare driving a scooter (Vespa, etc.) because I haven't done that. Scooters get very good mpg so that saves you money, but you also have to buy insurance so that more than cancels out any savings. You also have to deal with traffic, and the fact that some people wouldn't really feel safe driving a light motorcycle around the city -- I know I wouldn't.]

Anyway, that's the breakdown. I've absolutely loved my Segway and put on about 600 miles in the year I've had it. It's not a perfect solution (not as fun to ride in the rain or cold), but it's better than most I've found! If anyone in the area would like to take a test glide, feel free to contact me.

Announcing My Candidacy

2008-06-14T14:30:00.000-04:00

SEGWAY CRASH (or: I need a new pair of pants, AGAIN)

2008-06-13T11:21:00.001-04:00

I had my second major crash today. Both of them were caused by Glider Error and had to do with inappropriate interactions with curbs.

Just about one year ago, at mile 0085, I went up a curb cutout too fast while shifting my weight to the wrong foot while turning. The Segway platform oscillated, I couldn't keep steady on it, and I wiped out. The Segway went in one direction, I went in another, and my InfoKey and Blackberry were ejected 50 feet away from me in opposite directions. I skinned my knee, elbow and wrist, and ruined a pair of pants.

Just about an hour ago, at mile 0585, I had nearly completed my daily 2.5 mile glide to work. I was across the street from my building, and since there was no traffic heading toward me on the one-way road (23rd St. near N St. NW for those of you who know the area), I decided to jump down the 6-inch curb and cross the street, as I have done literally hundreds of times over the past year.

But today, for some reason, i got cocky. Instead of jumping off the curb at 2-4 mph as usual, I guess I took it a little too fast. I'm not sure how fast exactly, but it might have been somewhere between 4-8 mph. That, my friends, was a major mistake.

I'm still not really sure what happened exactly, but I think that when the wheels hit the ground, they couldn't handle the forward momentum of my body. Seggie tried to get under me, while I instinctually tried to lean back to get over Seggie. I also tried to pull the Lean Steer Frame toward me, but as I was not directly over the platform anymore but slightly to its side, this had the effect of spinning the inner wheel faster than the outer wheel. This clumsy ballet lasted no more than a second. Together, we spiraled down to the street and collapsed with a loud thud.

I was splayed out in the street, clutching onto Seggie so that he wouldn't roll away. As is often the case after a crash, my immediate thought was, "OH MY GOD I LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT, HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE STARING?" I sat up and looked around. Miraculously, nobody saw. I was basically alone and there was still no traffic heading my way. Seggie had shut down. I stood up and rolled him to the other side of the street, where I surveyed the damage to myself and to my ride. He had a few extra scratches on the LSF but otherwise seemed to be no worse for wear. I turned him on and he started up as normal. I also had a few extra scratches, but unlike Seggie, when the road scratches me I tend to leak. I had a major cut on my left thumb, with a deep reddish-crimson oozing out. That said, it looked worse than it was and it didn't hurt.

Fortunately, I had taken the brunt of the fall with my well-padded derrier. Unfortunately, I had ruined another pair of pants. (If anyone would like a free pair of olive-colored khakis with a ripped seat, send me an e-mail!)

When writing this post, I briefly hesitated on whether to categorize the crash as "major," but I have decided that when one of my first actions after a crash is to look around for the first aid kit to dress my wounds, that counts as "major."

So, what have we learned today? A) Don't take curbs too fast. If you want to be real careful about it, go find the nearest cutout and glide down with ease. (You will also arguably save your steed the cumulative damage caused by lots of small drops.) B) Major crashes tend to happen when you get cocky. I don't care if you've ridden for 5 miles, 500 or 5000; the moment you start to act like a Segway God, the real Segway God will step in to put you in your place. C) I have a major crash about once every 500 miles. Good to know. (When I approach mile 1085, I'll be sure to wear pants I don't care about.)

With gas over $4/gal, Seggie is looking mighty attractive

2008-06-11T12:27:00.006-04:00

I've been using my Segway to commute to work again and I love it as usual. Thinking of keeping it. Not sure. Right now the commute is 2.5 miles but my new residence is going to be in Ballston and it will be a 6.5 mile commute to work near Georgetown... I was thinking that I couldn't commute with the Segway because the Custis trail doesn't allow motorized things, but Google Maps showed me a nice residential-streets-with-sidewalks map that looks quite doable.

I'm not too concerned about the ability of the Segway to handle 13 miles in a day; one full charge nets me 18-20 miles depending on how taxing I am on the machine (i.e. do I constantly push up against the speed limiter? am I going up a lot of hills? am I transporting a lot of crap? etc.)... It's just that I generally don't like going more than 5 miles or so at a time because my legs get a little tired. But with the cost of gas (and parking) what it is...

Yeah yeah

2008-05-22T22:45:00.003-04:00

OK, listen up: I was wrong. I am fairly sure that fan base for David Archuleta and David Cook were roughly equal, but Simon Cowell's calling Tuesday night a "knockout" in favor of Archuleta only served to galvanize Cook's fans, while Archuleta's fans grew complacent. I had a feeling that might happen, but I didn't mention it. Why?

Well, at the risk of sounding like a giddy schoolgirl, David Archuleta's voice gives me goosebumps. Yes, David Cook is a fantastic singer and his voice has got that rock edge, but Archuleta's voice is so pure and beautiful and it simply gives me shivers whenever I hear him belt out Imagine. *gush*

That said, Cook seems far more marketable, and Cook's music is far more suited to walking around not paying attention on the iPod, or working out. (Can't exactly pump up the jam to an Archuleta ballad.)

I will say this however: This is the first year I would actually go out and buy the albums of BOTH #1 and #2. They were that good. The Top 12/24 as a whole was one of the weaker casts, but the Top 2 were definitely among the most talented of the entire series.

I can't wait for next year!

PS -- This summer is the last chance I have to audition for Idol, as after that I am too old to be eligible... Of course my voice is not at all suited to it, but I wonder if I could pull off some sort of Bocelli/Groban opera/pop crossover? Hmmmmmm.......... (Yeah yeah, let the taunts begin!)

Why David Archuleta Will Win American Idol

2008-05-20T23:16:00.004-04:00

Early in tonight's finale, former bartender and current rocker David Cook told the audience that, as far as he was concerned, the competition is over and tonight is just for fun.

When he said that, I knew he was going to lose.

You've got to bring everything you have at the finale, and David Archuleta did that. He nailed the first song, picked a great never-before-heard second song that showed off his vocals, and -- most importantly -- chose to sing "Imagine" again for his last song. Now, Archuleta sang Imagine earlier this season, and it was the performance that made people notice him. It was absolutely his best performance of the season, and when he said that he was singing Imagine one more time because it was his best performance, I knew he was, as Randy likes to say, "in it to win it, dawg."

Contrast this with David Cook, who sang some sort of rock ballad for the final song. This was the absolute wrong choice. Randy commended him for choosing a song that showed a softer side of David Cook, but we don't want a softer side. We want the David Cook who sang an amazing version of Billie Jean earlier in the season and absolutely brought the house down. Simon Cowell, who always calls it like it is, told him the same thing. "It was absolutely the wrong song," he said. "You should have done Billie Jean."

Cook's response: "Why do a song I've already done?"

The answer: BECAUSE THAT'S HOW YOU WIN. Archuleta knew that, and he brought his best song back, and -- this is key -- he actually improved on it! The two minor criticisms I had of his earlier performance of Imagine were that his transition to falsetto needed work and the final "join us" lyric was flat because he didn't support. Well ya know what? HE FIXED IT. The transition to falsetto was beautifully smooth, and he support enough so that all of the notes -- including "join us" -- were dead on perfect.

Tonight, according to Simon, David Archuleta scored a knock out. Simon is, as usual, absolutely right. Cook has a pleasant rocker voice, but Archuleta has got a soaring tenor that is simply beautiful. And the best part is, his voice is only going to get better.

Straight to Video?

2008-05-20T11:08:00.002-04:00

Matt explaining to his father why the ALI conference discussing the next Restatement of Law is not boring:

Matt: "It's amazing. There are judges, professors, Supreme Court litigators -- the combined brainpower in the room is phenomenal -- and they are coming together to determine the rules that will govern our civilization. These are the greatest legal scholars of our time -- our philosopher kings, so to speak -- in one room, hammering out the rules of society. So what might seem at first glance to be mundane is actually quite profound."

Dad: "I'll wait for the movie."

Classic Video: Gweepay and the MPRE

2008-04-21T22:56:00.002-04:00

2008-04-21T10:54:00.001-04:00

Mobile post sent by DCTenor1 using Utterz. Replies. mp3

Hoaxes, Performance Art, and Crazy Liberals

2008-04-20T16:26:00.002-04:00

A news article was recently making the rounds on the Internet. The news article concerned a senior undergraduate at Yale University who majored in art and who apparently has a penchant for causing a scene. You see, my friend Jacob forwarded the article from the Yale Daily News to myself and to a few other college friends with the following disclaimer: "I'm really embarrassed that she is one of my peeps, and possibly a distant relation to [ Matt ]."

By that, Jacob meant that this woman was Jewish, and that her last name was an iteration of my last name, [ last name deleted for Google purposes ]. I read the following article with disgust. The headline: "For Senior, Abortion a Medium for Art, Political Discourse." The article went on to discuss a girl whose senior art project was "a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself 'as often as possible' while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these of forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process."

Of course, I was absolutely disgusted and mortified that anyone would do this. I remembered from my undergraduate days that there are some fairly crazy, wacky liberals out there, but this absolutely took the cake. My friend Ryan fired back a reply: "I don't know what to say. That may well be one of the worst things I've ever heard. I think she's a vile human being, unfit for -- and undeserving of -- that title."

I responded as well: "I almost cried when I read that article. I cannot believe such a person exists -- and I hesitate to even dignify her with classification as a person."

I forwarded the article around to other friends, and the expression of disgust was universal. Liberal or conservative, nobody could believe that she would do this, or that Yale University would allow a public exhibition of the project, as the newspaper article stated.

The Drudge Report picked up the student newspaper article, and from there it spread like wildfire. The Washington Post, CNN, the London Times, every major news outlet throughout the world picked it up. And so the shock and outrage spread internationally.

But something didn't quite sit right with me. After my initial emotion fueled sadness and shock and anger, my rational side kicked in, and I sent the following e-mail to my friends:

I was thinking, and I cannot imagine this is real. This has to be a hoax. I cannot believe even Yale would okay a public installation of her blood and videos of her miscarriages. And I find it very hard to believe that she could successfully pull off these miscarriages (come on, let's call them what they are, abortion) multiple times with herbs, without either being unable to abort the child, or without causing major damage to herself.

"The to pull off a hoax, all she really had to do was trick the Yale student paper. From there all the other media would pick it up and it would take off with very little additional verification. She'd simply get some cohorts to corroborate it via e-mail, and Yale would be silent for a while as they tried to figure out what the truth was. If you look at the original Yale article, they weren't even able to talk to her adviser.

"She will probably justify the whole thing as performance art, or ' hoax art in cyberspace' or something.

"Then again I could just be rationalizing all this because I don't want to believe anyone is that evil."

Well, my friends, it appears my Bullshit Detector is functioning properly. Yale University later released a statement:

"Ms. Shvarts is engaged in performance art. Her art project includes visual representations, a press release and other narrative materials. She stated to three senior Yale University officials today, including two deans, that she did not impregnate herself and that she did not induce any miscarriages. the entire project is an art piece, a creative fiction designed to draw attention to the ambiguities surrounding form and function of a woman's body. She is an artist and has the right to express herself through performance art. Had these acts been a real, they would have violated basic ethical standards and raised serious mental and physical health concerns."

I am glad that I was right. It brings some level of satisfaction and even some vindication among friends who claimed that as much as they wished it were a hoax, they feared it was real. It also makes me feel relieved that such a horrible, heinous person does not exist in reality.

That said, Ms. Shvarts is still a vile human being. Not quite as vile as she was, but anyone who would purposely try to mislead the world about such a sensitive and delicate matter, and be so cavalier about the whole thing, all in the name of "her art," deserves only marginally more respect than one who would purposely and repeatedly impregnate and abort.

Moreover, I am dismayed that the Yale University office of public affairs is so quick to defend this woman, under the flimsy rationale that "she is an artist" and she has "the right to express herself through performance art." Calling oneself an artist does not give a free pass to act as irresponsibly and insensitively as one desires, all in the name of art. It does not free one from the bounds of civility and decency that characterize a healthy society.

I am all for artistic expression, but pulling a massive hoax and calling it "performance art" meant to "draw attention" to the function of a woman's body is disgusting, and reminds me why I joined the conservative student newspaper while at college. Academia is a crazy place, and they believe some messed up things inside those ivory towers. I am glad to no longer be a part of that, but dismayed that the insanity continues.

2008-04-16T20:14:00.000-04:00

Why I Like My Job, Reason #238

2008-04-14T16:43:00.002-04:00

I get to come up with wry headlines and leads like this:

South Carolina Scratch-Off Lotto Losers Also Certification Losers, Trial Court Finds

A group of plaintiffs claiming their lottery tickets could not win the advertised "top prize" -- because it had already been won -- similarly could not win class certification in a South Carolina trial court March 31.

Why Michael Johns was eliminated from American Idol (hint: American voters are not crazy)

2008-04-11T19:53:00.006-04:00

I would like to take this opportunity to analyze the recent American Idol "shocker." Everyone's favorite Australian, Michael Johns, was eliminated in a strangely upside down proceeding in which three of the best singers were ranked at the very bottom. (I am not talking about David Cook or David Archuleta, of course, who are likely to be the last two standing, but rather about three very talented singers who are superior in every way to that horrible country singer, Kerry Cook or whatever her name is. She deserves to be dragged out to the place where cows receive their airgun blasts, and if not given an airgun blast herself, at least be branded as a Loser.)

Anyway, people are under the impression that America has lost its collective mind, the stars are in screwy positions, and cats and dogs will soon be living together. I am here to assure you, fine reader, that all is well and good in the American voting psyche. The latest American Idol shocker is actually just the latest in a long line of similar voting incidents. Let me explain:

Michael Johns is best described as a blues style rocker. David Cook is best described as a very fashionable rocker. David Cook is also widely regarded as the superior of the two. So what clearly happened is that David Cook took Michael Johns's votes. This is different than in past seasons where two similar performers will split the vote, and neither of them will end up on top; in the present situation, David Cook is a similar performer but also far superior. So he took Michael Johnson's votes: anyone who would have considered voting for Mr. Johns almost certainly voted for Mr. Coke instead.

This is why Mr. Johns got the fewest number of votes. In this case, a getting the fewest votes does not mean that he is the worst contestant (that distinction goes to Ms. Cook). It simply means that he was slightly less popular than David Cook, and because of the way the voting system works, David Cook ended up getting all the votes. Mr. Johns got none.

This happens all the time in politics. Look at the 2000 presidential election: all things equal, people who were inclined to vote for Al Gore might also be inclined to vote for Ralph Nader. They simply liked Al Gore better, and they thought that he had a better chance of winning. That Ralph Nader got less than 5% of the vote did not mean that he was the worst politician, or horribly unsuitable for office; it simply meant that Mr. Gore took all of the votes that Mr. Nader would otherwise have received.

Note that this is, as I explained above, a slightly different phenomenon than that in which two candidates will split the votes, and therefore both end up on the bottom. This happens often when you have two similarly situated contestants, such as two equally good rockers, two equally good R&B performers, etc.

And there you have it. That Michael Johns was at the very bottom of the totem pole is not reflective of his level of talent, but only reflective of his relative popularity compared to David Cook.

For the record, I am a huge David Cook fan, and fully expect him to win. Now that that fact is known, I hope there will be no allegations of undisclosed bias in this analysis. My bias is hereby disclosed. :-)

Rudy Frolicks in a Bag of Granola

2008-04-10T21:56:00.001-04:00

Rudy Buries Himself in Granola from Matt S. on Vimeo.

Local Man Sets 5K PR!

2008-04-08T10:39:00.001-04:00

WASHINGTON, April 6 -- On a windy, rain-soaked morning in our Nation's Capital, a tired yet strong 28-year-old stood in the 5K Run/Walk corral about a block from the Washington Monument. As the bearded redhead hopped up and down, running in place to stay warm before the race began, he still didn't know quite what he was doing here.

"Everyone talks about the adrenaline rush I would get on the morning of the Big Race," Matt told me the next day over a plate of grilled chicken and steamed-in-the-bag vegetables, "but I never got an adrenaline rush. The whole thing was just too surreal. I was on 4 hours of sleep, and all I kept thinking was, 'I'm running a what, now? Who signed me up for this? Why am I not in bed?' I didn't know 8 a.m. actually existed on a Sunday morning!"

But early hours did exist on Sunday, as Matt found out when his cell phone alarm went off at 6, waking him from a fitful slumber that had only taken hold after 1 a.m. He pinned his number (20076) to his long-sleeved technical shirt, downed a cup of orange juice and a handful of Cheerios, and headed out the door. He arrived at the National Mall around 7:30 -- a full 70 minutes before his starting time.

"It appears somebody miscalculated," Matt said, cursing the efficiency of the DC transit authority. "Anyway, it was really neat down there, almost a carnival atmosphere. The whole thing was just like July 4th, except everybody was running!"

Having arrived so early, Matt had no choice but to walk around, sometimes jogging lightly to keep warm. By the time the 5K race was set to start, Matt had been warming up his legs for about an hour.

There was no "On your mark, get set, go!" that Matt had envisioned in his dreams. The only way Matt knew the race had begun was that everyone in front of him started slowly shuffling forward. It took about 90 seconds to cross the starting mats, and then Matt started.

To Walk or Not to Walk

"Everyone had warned me about starting too fast," Matt recalled. "They said I would get caught up in the excitement of running with a thousand other people. They said I should slow down! So I did. But not enough."

MILE 1 | 3:07 + 3:00 + 3:07 + 3:10 = 12:24
MILE 2 | 3:54 + 3:32 + 3:51 + 3:26 = 14:43
MILE 3 | 3:26 + 3:48 + 3:23 + 3:14 = 13:51
0.11  | 1:21

Indeed, as evidenced by Matt's unofficial mile splits, he hovered between 4.9 and 5.0 mph for the first mile. That speed, he says, would have been fine had he taken walk breaks from the beginning. But because of his excitement, he felt he was strong enough to run the first mile without walking.

"This was a race," Matt said. "I was supposed to push myself. I would have felt like a total idiot following Galloway's advice and taking walk breaks every few minutes."

However, after pushing himself for a mile, Matt -- who had originally signed up for the 10-mile run -- needed to walk.

"I was strong enough to run the first mile," Matt said. "But then I needed to slow down." For the next mile, he took minute-long walk breaks every 2-3 minutes.

At the 2 mile mark, he decided to try to push himself harder. "I had read somewhere that on a 5K my heart rate should be around 90-95% most of the time. Well, I generally was at around 170 for the few minutes at a time that I could maintain a run, but on my walk breaks I gradually dropped down to 150. I decided that I was going to only walk until my pulse hit 160, and then I'd pick it back up again."

So Matt's walk-breaks grew shorter. And yet, short as they were, whenever Matt walked, something ominous happened...

Battle with the Race-Walkers

"The entire race was a battle between me and the race-walkers," Matt recalled, poking at a microwaved baby carrot. "I noticed them as I ran past in the first mile. And I noticed them again as they walked past at the beginning of the second mile."

For the rest of the race, they would be lingering just behind, in the shadows, waiting to take the lead.

"There's nothing more annoying than a damn 50-year-old woman grinning giddily, holding her elbows high and pumping her arms as she marches past me while I am briefly recuperating at 2.5 mph."

2.5 mph?

"I'm a slow walker."

The battle continued until mile 2.5 or so, when Matt picked up the pace.

"If you look at my quarter-mile splits, you'll notice that the walking basically stopped with a half mile to go. Sure, I walked for a few second here and there, but I really wanted to give it my all."

With a half mile left, he left the race-walkers in the dust.

'Looking Strong, Number 20076!'

"People on the sidelines kept saying, 'You're almost there! It's just around the corner!' And I was still under 40 minutes, and I figured I might actually be able to meet my arbitrary goal of 42ish minutes."

"As I turned the corner, the cheers grew louder. I could see the banner in the distance. I had about a quarter mile left to go, and I vowed to finish without walking. I took off my hat and glasses and just steamrolled forward. My pulse was at 171, 172, 173, and around then I felt my entire body flush. I have felt this before at very high efforts -- I am positive it is my body switching from aerobic to anaerobic."

What does anaerobic energy production feel like?

"Like I said, it feels like a flush is overcoming my entire body. Everything suddenly feels warm -- my arms, my chest, my legs -- it's just different. It comes with a really hard effort, and when I feel that flush, I know I won't last more than another minute or so.

"With about a block to go, I closed my eyes and dug deep inside for the effort to keep going. As I opened my eyes I noticed that I had just passed a camera man -- he had snapped a picture of me as I entered the mental part of the race. Now that's a picture I'll pay money for!

"The finish line was 50 feet in front of me. I heard the announcer say, 'Looking strong, number two-zero-zero-seven-six!' It was like my winning raffle ticket had just been called. 'Yes!' I shouted, pumping my hands in the air. With a final burst and a huge smile, I crossed the finish line."

Matt's final time was 42:29 -- a pace of 13:41. It was his fastest 5K effort to date.

Final Thoughts

"I'm pretty happy with the time," Matt said, finishing his chicken and veggies. "It's about six minutes faster than I had ever traversed 3.1 miles before, and do you know why? Because my calves didn't tighten up at all. The past two months, almost every time I tried to run more than 1.7 miles, my calves would get extremely tight to the point of cutting off blood flow to my peroneal nerves, and then the entire front of my shins and top of my feet would go numb! This time, for whatever reason, that didn't happen. Maybe it was the frequent Stick massages, or maybe it was the flat course, or maybe it was hour-long warm-up. All I know is that finally, my legs worked as they were supposed to."

Matt has signed up for the Detroit Half Marathon on Oct. 19, which he plans to run with his good friend Diana. He already has a general plan for the next 6 months.

"I'm really going to have to focus on weight loss," he said, sipping a glass of filtered water. "I was 182 when I started law school; I'm 212 today. I was essentially running with a 15 pound dumbbell in each hand. Imagine how much easier this would be -- how much faster I could get -- if I just dropped the dumbbells."

Matt plans to consistently eat healthy, add regular strength training to his fitness plan, and exercise at least 5 days a week. He will start "officially" training for the half-marathon sometime in June.

"People ask me why I run, when it is so difficult for me. What they don't understand is that they've already answered their own question: I run because it is difficult. I run because I want to get better at it. It's a noble goal in itself, and it will bring me so many side benefits: more health, more discipline, more confidence. I run because I cannot... and I run because I can."

Matt and Heather after the run

Our Own Brotherhood, So Carefree and Good

2008-03-30T14:32:00.004-04:00

The University of Michigan Men's Glee Club came into town this weekend to sing at the National Cathedral and at a national choral convention. Afterward, I got to hang out with several old friends who used to sing with me in Club, and several new friends who are the current generation of extraordinary glee clubbers.

On Friday night, we all went out to Cactus Cantina and relived one of my favorite traditions from college -- drunken sing-alongs with my brothers in song! Together, glee clubbers new and old raised our voices in song, and the result was a night to remember for years to come.

Here is a video of us all singing the Yellow and Blue. For lots more videos, click here!

On Saturday night, I got to know the incoming president of the Men's Glee Club, one of the current Friars, and several other talented young men. I am proud to say that the Glee Club is in good hands. I am also proud to say that, despite my relative old age and 50 extra pounds of body fat compared to the current younguns', I was able to trounce each of my challengers in Dance Dance Revolution, ending the night as the undisputed champion of the game, with something like a 10-0 record. Hail to the Victor, indeed!

Rudy Meets the Popcorn Bag

2008-03-27T15:37:00.000-04:00

Jew in da House!

2008-03-26T00:02:00.002-04:00

Rehearsing before the Eastern Sunday service...

Looking surprisingly happy for so early in the morning...

Yeah, that's more like it... PISSED. (Granted, I was portraying Death in the Brahms German Requiem, but I can assure you I felt like Death as well, that early in the morning on a Sunday!)

Matt as a South Park Character

2008-03-24T17:10:00.001-04:00

Matt as a South Park Character, originally uploaded by CaseWriter21.