I am enjoying my new work

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The Michigan Review's effect on my job search

So I was interviewing with three magistrate judges this morning in downtown DC, and one of them asked me about my 60 Minutes experience. That led to my mentioning that I was editor of the Michigan Review, which we liked to think of as a "journal" because in contrast to the Michigan Daily which you could read in the 10 minutes between class, you actually had to sit down and think about Review articles. This prompted one of the judges to ask, somewhat suspiciously, "Is that anything like the Dartmouth Review?" Uh oh. "We're in the same network," I said, "but it's not like the Dartmouth Review."

She explained to the other judges, "When I went to Dartmouth, the Dartmouth Review was like this extreme right-wing newspaper."

I quickly went into Damage Control mode. The Michigan Review was a thoughtful paper, I told them all. I explained that I consider myself fairly moderate -- "I'm a registered Independent!" -- but that Ann Arbor is like Berkeley, and the entire spectrum shifts to the left, so that all of a sudden I'm "right wing." I got yet more mileage out of the Ward Connerly speech from 9.5 years ago, explaining that Review types just wanted to have an actual dialogue, but BAMN ("the coalition to defend affirmative action by any means necessary," I said, to groans) kept shouting him down and wouldn't let him speak. I told them how I was drawn to the Review because it was a thoughtful group of people who examined all sides logically.

After about 5 minutes, having gotten way off the initial point, I said, "So, in conclusion, the Michigan Review is not like the Dartmouth Review."

Thank God she didn't go to Cornell! (When I was in college, The Cornell Review was known as the most outrageous right-wing paper in the network.)

The Deadening of One's Soul: an Epiphany

I wanted to document review until 9 pm tonight but I simply cannot work anymore. My brain is completely fried. This is without a doubt the most mind-numbing work I have ever done in my life (and that includes the data entry I did for my uncle when I was 12). I cannot describe how tedious and boring this is. It literally deadens my soul.

I am a creative person. I like to write, to sing. To think. I loved the first year of law school because it presented me with an entirely new way of thinking about the world. It took philosophy -- a subject I had enjoyed in college but found to have no practical effects -- and applied it to the world. Criminal law taught me about theories of punishment. Contract law taught me how to analyze the agreements people make with each other. Torts showed me the system that we as a society use to determine who is responsible when one person accidentally causes another to be injured.

And I loved communications law because it pitted the law -- a slow moving beast -- against technology, which literally moves at the speed of light.

Document review is the antithesis of what I am interested in. It is legal purgatory, a job doled out to those who didn't get an offer from their summer firms. It pays well but I want to drown myself in my water bottle every day.

I'm going to keep looking for communications law jobs, but I am also going to expand my search to clerkships for any level judge, and also criminal defense and prosecution. And I am going to continue to submit freelance ideas, and work on honing my fiction writing, and take voice lessons and audition for the opera chorus.

All I know for sure right now is that I don't see how I can keep doing this job through the end of January. I have to do something else, anything else.

I don't care if it pays half as much.

No reward is worth this.

Turning Down the Virgin Islands

Tell your standard work-a-day drone that you just got offered a yearlong job in the Virgin Islands, and the response is immediate.

"Awesome! A year in paradise! Congratulations!"

Tell him that you are not sure whether or not to take it, and he will look at you with a mixture of shock and confusion.

"Are you kidding me? You even have to think about this? It's the Virgin Islands, man! Have you ever seen the place? It's heaven! What do you have to think about? You don't have a full time gig lined up here... this would be a full-time job, partying on the beach every night... Why are you even hesitating? TAKE IT!"

Tell him that you've decided to turn it down, and his look of shock and confusion becomes tinged with resentment.

"I can't believe you're going to turn it down. If someone offered me a job in the Virgin Islands, I'd take it in a heartbeat! The average temperature in the winter there is 73 degrees. In the summer the average is 84! Beaches and deep blue water and glorious sunshine! How DARE you turn that down? What is wrong with you? Are you mad???!"

The answer, of course, is no. I am not mad. Perhaps you would be mad if you turned down this offer. The Virgin Islands, to many, are paradise. But for me, the idea of going to the Virgin Islands for an entire year - possibly two - is simply not paradise. I have been to the islands twice. Each time, for no more than a week. It was great! I had people waiting on me hand and foot, I had fresh water delivered to my doorstep daily, and don't forget the rum that was placed in my hotel room every day. Yes, living in a luxury resort on the fabulous island of St. Thomas was an amazing experience.

That is not what I would be doing.

Contrary to popular belief, the Virgin Islands are not as heavenly as they first appear. The crime rate is unbelievable. People are poorly educated. Customer service is an absolute joke. It's basically a third-world country with a nice view: the only thing that's really nice about the Virgin Islands are the beaches. And I sunburn! Seriously, I am not the kind of person who takes pleasure in spending every night, beach with a beer in my hand I am sure many of you are. There is nothing wrong with that. It is not for me.

Oh, sure, the work would be interesting. With such a high crime rate, the criminal cases alone would be worth the experience. Further, due to the general lackadaisical nature of the workers in the Virgin Islands, there is a tremendous backlog of cases - almost 300 civil cases have not yet been decided. People have been waiting for years. The current judge told me that he works every day from approximately 8a.m. to 7p.m. He is in desperate need of a clerk - someone to give all of the work to. I am sure he would love to have me. And I would learn a lot too.

But a working environment in which I would be doing something interesting and helpful to my future career is not the only consideration when taking a new job. The fact is, I love Washington DC. I love it because of the vibrant culture. I love it because of all the singing opportunities. I love it because of all the educated young people here. I love it because of all the Starbucks.

Yes, I said it. I have learned from experience that my general level of contentment with a place will be directly proportional to the number of Starbucks. Starbucks and big bookstores with coffee shops. No, I am not insane. I just recognize that these kinds of establishments are emblematic of the level of civilization that a society has developed. No Starbucks means no higher civilization, to which I am so accustomed. St. Thomas has no Starbucks. The Virgin Islands have no Starbucks. I would not be happy.

I have built the last several months around the idea of returning to Washington DC to pursue a career in telecommunications law. A trip to the Virgin Islands would be, at best, an interesting experience that would not help with my chosen career path, or at worst, an unnecessary detour that leaves me sunburned and bug-bitten. I don't need to be in the islands trying to stem the tide of crime. I need to be here in D.C., where my life is. I need to be making professional contacts. I need to be attending communications bar events. I need to be publicizing my indecency article. I can do none of that from the Virgin Islands.

And, more than that, there is the fact that my primary form of leisure here is singing with various choirs. From September through May, the Choral Arts Society of Washington is my main form of release. I get paid to sing tenor at a church in Maryland. I am in the process of auditioning for the holy day services at various synagogues around the area. And my voice coach recently told me that she thinks I'm ready to audition for the Washington National Opera. How could I leave now? What would I do in the Virgin Islands? Join a steel drum band?

Relaxing on the beach with an alcoholic beverage in my hand is a fantastic way to spend a week or two. It may be a fantastic way for many - if not most - readers of this blog to spend not just a week, but a year. Or two. Or the rest of their lives. But it's not for me. I am a Washingtonian, through and through. I love it here, and I would not give it up. Even for a year in the Virgin Islands.

Look, ma! I’m a real lawyer!

Years of intense studying and grueling tests paid off today, as I represented my first client in court! Well, almost. Let me rephrase: Years of intense studying and grueling tests paid off today, as I went down to the local clerk’s office with one task in mind: try to get my mom out of a traffic ticket! Here’s how it all went down.

Apparently, back in June, my mom got a traffic ticket for turning in the wrong direction at the wrong time. My first knowledge of this occurred yesterday morning, when my dad told me I would be representing my mom. My reaction? SHOCK AND PANIC. I know I graduated from a Big Ticket law school, and I know I passed the bar, and I know I took a little oath and was sworn in, but I’m not a real lawyer… I mean, I know there’s a bar card in my pocket with an official P-number and everything, but, come on, me? Defending a traffic ticket? They never taught us how to do that at Georgetown! I learned about due process and equal protection and theories of punishment and the legal frontier that is Cyberspace! I never learned how to drive down to the courthouse and file an appearance – I don’t even know what an “appearance” is, let alone how to file one, or what filing one actually signifies! I don’t know how to argue a traffic ticket!

But my dad told me I had to file an appearance – and not knowing anything about a subject has never stopped me before. I was worried that the clerks would be surly and gruff like the ones at the D.C. court, but these two clerks were actually quite pleasant. They looked to be in their 50s and 60s, and had a very motherly air about them. So I did what I always do when I don’t know how to do something: I played the Naiveté Card.

“Can I help you?” a clerk asked when she saw me wandering around aimlessly.
“Uh, yes. I am here to” – I paused to recall the exact words my father told me – “file an appearance for my client.” I smiled, pleased with myself for remembering all those words.
“Oh, okay.”
At this point, I realized that I had no idea what came next. I decided it was time to come clean.
“Listen,” I said, “I’m not really sure what to do. This is my first case ever since I passed the bar.”
The two women smiled. The bailiff, hanging around near the filing cabinets, applauded. “Congratulations!” they all said.
“Yes, yes, thank you,” I said. I decided to come even more clean. “And, actually, the client… is my mother.”
They laughed, and the bailiff said, “I hope you got paid up front!”
“Actually, she’s taking me to Panera.” I am in love with Panera iced chai teas. It’s a good deal.
So the clerks, seeing that I was new, led me through the whole process. They gave me the right forms and walked me through everything and that was that. I didn’t even need to show them my license or bar card. And there’s more:
“Are you interested in doing some criminal defense work?”
I nodded. “Sure.”
“Would you like to be added to the court-appointed attorneys list?”
“Absolutely!”
She handed me a notepad. “Just write a love letter to the judge, and I’ll make sure he puts you on the list.”
Wow! Visions of me arguing forcefully before a jury danced in my head. For the first time, it sunk in that maybe I really am a real lawyer – or at least, I could be if I wanted to. (I decided to hold off on the “love letter” because I’m not sure when I’ll be in Michigan again, and I would hate to get a letter telling me to appear in court two weeks from now on Tuesday, when two weeks from now on Tuesday I’ll be rehearsing with the Choral Arts Society of Washington at the church by my apartment in DC!)
I finished filling out the form letting me “file” the “appearance,” thanked them for their help, and walked out the door to my mommy’s waiting car. I still didn’t know what an appearance was, but I had just filed one! I am a real attorney! Time to buy a new suit.

Epilogue: According to my dad, “filing an appearance” means just what it sounds like. If someone wants to hire a lawyer to contest a traffic ticket, the lawyer goes down to the court and signs a form stating that he is representing his client in the matter. As I understand it, this simple act of showing up at the clerk’s office is the appearance, and filling out the form is “filing” part. Thus, “filing an appearance.” Now, the clerk gives me whatever paperwork there is on the ticket, and a pre-hearing date will be scheduled for sometime next month where I can meet with a city attorney to discuss this little matter of turning left during rush hour. Come on, 3 points? Really? For my mom, who is so nice and sweet and has a perfectly clean driving record? Surely we can work out a deal. Maybe instead of “improper turn” for 3 points, we can knock it down to “impeding traffic” for 1 point. Eh? Eh? Sound good? Whaddya say?

(Oh, also according to my dad, if you tell the clerks you are representing a family member, they always say they hope you got paid up front!)

This lawyering stuff ain’t so hard once you get the hang of it. But I still don’t see why they didn’t teach me any of this in school. Sure, studying constitutional history is fun and all, but it doesn't actually lead to many practical skills.....

Matt Inaction Day

A proposal by one of our interns (yes, that intern). Although he has known me but a few short months, he understands me better than many who have known me for years.

The following e-mail was forwarded throughout the legal department:

The day will be spent watching ways in which Matt highlights his inactivity.

Potential observed activities include: watching Matt update his blog, watching Matt delete inappropriate comments from John made on his blog, watching Matt read his NAB emails and craft pithy responses, watching Matt send off pithy responses to nearly everyone he knows, listening to Matt snore, attempting to listen to Matt snore over the drone of his fan, attempting to overhear the swill Matt listens to on his FM radio, watching Matt's body slowly decay as he eats only the spinach and prune shakes he makes in the morning, watching Matt draft long and winding memoranda on various and sundry arcana of telecommunications law, observing Matt as he slowly wanders into the intern office to level baseless insults at the interns.

For the record, my radio is more commonly tuned to AM (Rush Limbaugh, of course!). Also, my shakes contain not just spinach and prune juice, but also protein powder, thus ensuring that the decay will be minimal.

UPDATE: Neil the Intern, in a comment to this post, recommended that I publish the original e-mail I sent out, which led to his proposal. I think that is a fine idea.

In response to an e-mail from my boss soliciting suggestions for the next legal newsletter, I e-mailed the following spur-of-the-moment article to the Legal Department (edited for Google anonymity):

STAFF ATTORNEY CALLS LEGAL INTERN 'BIGGEST REGRET' OF HIS LIFE

By Matthew S. ___
NAB Staff Reporter

WASHINGTON, DC -- From the first day John H___ set foot into the legal office, staff attorney Scott G___ knew he had made a mistake.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” G___ says, rubbing his eyes wearily. G___ looks like he hasn’t slept in days. His office is strewn with empty tea bags. “This kid was wearing hot pink pants. I [expletive] you not. Hot pink.”

G___ had been responsible for selecting three interns to work in the legal department for the summer. One, Evan M___, was a known commodity, having interned there before. Another, Neil M___, had political connections that might make him valuable (Neil is the son of a Congressman).

Then there was H___. On paper, he looked like a sure thing. A rising second-year law student, he had gotten himself published in the New York Times. He had also achieved the highest echelons of Scouting, attaining the storied realm of “Eagle.”

“When we talked on the phone, he seemed nice enough,” G___ recalls. G___ had skimmed several hundred resumes sent by eager up-and-comers across the country. Another thousand envelopes sat unopened underneath his desk.

Unopened they would remain. G___ decided to go with the Eagle Scout.

To this day, it is what he calls his “biggest regret.”

“I’ve made mistakes before, no doubt.” He leans back in his chair and stares at the ceiling, a slow smile spreading across his face. He is thinking about college, grad school, all the poor, uninformed, underinformed, misinformed youthful indiscretions of the past ten years. “I could tell you stories!” Suddenly, he turns serious, and looks a reporter square in the eyes. “But John… I don’t know what I was thinking.”

To be fair, H___ gets high marks from the rest of the staff. “He’s a good kid,” says Marsha M___, head of the department. “Always gets his work done quickly.”

Gruff contract attorney M. Scott S___ agrees. “I have no complaints,” he says. “I like his pants.”

None of this consoles G___, who to this day wishes he had taken the time to look through the thousand unopened packages under his desk, instead of burning them all at an alcohol-inspired bonfire he threw to celebrate the vernal equinox.

“I’m chalking it up to life experience,” G___ says. He vows that next year will be different.

Will he read all the summer intern applications? a reporter asks.

G___ looks down at his shoes, appearing to think deeply. Just when it looks like he is about to fall asleep, G___’s head lifts back up. “I’ll open all the applications,” he says. “I can’t promise any more than that.

“One man can only do so much.”

I am Officially* an Attorney!

A photo of me and my family just after the swearing-in ceremony, originally uploaded by CaseWriter21.

A long journey has finally come to a close.

"Or is it just the beginning?"
Who the hell is that?
"This is your Narrator."
We're not in Stranger than Fiction, I am not Will Ferrell, and I can narrate for myself just fine, thank you.
(poof)

Sorry. Anyway, what I mean is that my long formal educational journey -- which began with my first day of kindergarten and continued all the way through college and law school -- is finally done. On Thursday I went to my Swearing-In, which is the surest sign yet that my passing the bar was NOT a mistake, my successful character and fitness evaluation was NOT mistaken, my actually doing okay at Georgetown was NOT just a dream, etc. The swearing-in is kind of like high school graduation. Your family is there, and people give speeches and talk about how much Good you can do in the world.

There are some differences though:
1. I didn't have to take an oath to graduate from high school, and
2. I didn't have to wear a green cape and silly tassels this time. (Picture forthcoming.)

The oath was actually pretty neat. It was the first set of vows (professional or otherwise) I have ever taken in my life. It was actually somewhat uplifting, in that the words reminded me that lawyers are *supposed* to only do good for society, represent people in need for free, not mislead the court, etc. (Nevermind that these standards are rarely lived up to; it was a nice sentiment.) The only bad part about having to take an oath is that I had to hold my right hand up for two minutes! And, Star Trek Nerd that I am, it took all my willpower to not break out into the V-shaped Vulcan salute. I seriously wanted to (doing the Vulcan salute is far more natural to me than just holding my hand up straight). However, in the name of justice and looking professional and not wanting to be laughed at, I didn't. Plus, I wasn't sure if the Vulcan salute would invalidate the oath, or something. Don't want to take any chances when I'm so close to the finish line!

One of the best parts of the day is that my dad got to motion the court to admit me to the bar. It's a ceremonial thing, just a formality, and if you don't have a family member in the Michigan bar, someone will make a mass-motion for you. But it was still very neat, and my dad did a wonderul job making a short speech with only about three minutes' notice. Go dad! (Video included here.)

After the ceremony, we all went to the casino, where everyone (me, dad, mom, liz) left ahead! My vehicle for lucre was the blackjack tables; everyone else used the slots (which I refuse to use because a monkey can do it, and I am better than a monkey). After the casino, we had an amazing steak dinner at the Coach Insignia, which is the fancy-schmancy restaurant at the top of the RenCen in Detroit.

All in all, it was a great day. And now, I am officially* able to represent YOU when you slip and fall!** Hooray!


* Well, not officially. I still have to pay my bar membership dues. THEN I can represent you.
** As long as the accident occurred in Michigan.

Do people actually like their boring law jobs?

I have been trolling the law job boards a lot in recent weeks, looking for an legal job that would let me explore my interests (telecom, technology, etc.) while hopefully working in a cool city (i.e. DC). Yet what I find are not listings for fun jobs, but mostly listings for incredibly boring jobs, like:

* Associate in the Private Wealth Services Group of BigLawFirm LLP, for someone with "an LLM degree interested in the Private Wealth Services Group in our Tax Department in our Richmond Office";
* Employee Benefits Associate to work in the Employee Benefits, Income Tax, and Estates Group of BigLawFirm LLP. Applicants must have "experience in employee benefits and executive compensation." Employer has a "strong preference for LL.M. in Tax with emphasis in Employee Benefits."
* Mergers and Acquisitions Associate to work in the Corporate Law department of BigLawFirm LLP. Applicants must "possess an interest in acquisitions, structural policy and extensive knowledge of the subcontractor bidding processes."

Okay, I made that last one up. But it approximates the types of jobs that are out there. We law students wonder why we can't get jobs doing fun or interesting things? It's because fun and interesting jobs are so few and far between that, for all intents and purposes, they don't exist. All the jobs out there seemingly require a deep love and commitment to tax systems or estate planning or corporate bullshit and SEC filings.

And I wonder, do the lawyers taking those jobs actually enjoy what they do? Do all the people I know who are pursuing tax LL.M's really love thinking about taxes, and navigating complex tax gradations and advising their clients about where to hide their money? Or do the people pursuing tax LL.M's simply do it because those jobs are plentiful, and they don't care about actually enjoying what they do?

When we were little kids, the whole world seemed open to us. "What do you want to be when you grow up, Johnny?" "An astronaut!" "A fireman!" "A movie maker!" I can guarantee you that Johnny never replied, "An associate in the private wealth services group of a big law firm, with a masters degree in taxation and a specialty in mergers and acquisitions!!!"

---

And now, here's El Señor Gweepay on:
The Top Ten Jobs We Could Do Instead of Being Lawyers

10. Box maker. While most of us take for granted the fact that boxes are a dime a dozen, do you ever wonder just how a box becomes a box? As a box maker, you would be integral to the storage and shipping needs of Americans everywhere. And trust me, box makers get all the chicks!

9. Songwriter for Disney movies. Come on, who WOULDN'T want to write the next "Friend Like Me?"

8. Obituary writer. Pen obits for your local paper. Make Old Man Penniford sound far cooler than he actually was. Get back at Sal Salverstein for all those times he stole your paper. Because you just know it was him.

7. Researcher for the Rush Limbaugh Show. Because even talent on loan from GOD needs someone to find the latest clip of Hillary doing something bitchy, as she is wont to do.

6. Family Guy aside writer. Without clever and random asides, Family Guy would just be the Simpsons, but funny. Help Family Guy to fill in those cues for asides with all new bizarre and inane tangents.

5. Angelina Jolie's bra. Yeah.

4. Professional Contrarian. Make a career out of being irritatingly contrary regarding the conventional wisdom. Annoy the hell out of all your friends, and the general public. Because contrarians get nearly as many chicks as box makers.

3. Ant killer. Enjoy setting ants on fire? Do it for a living! Consultation: $135.95.

2. Master of the House. Start your own bed 'n breakfast. Sing the tune from Les Mis at least once per evening to all of your guests. Tell saucy tales, make little tunes, etc.

And the Number One job we could do in lieu of being lawyers...

Teddy Roosevelt Impersonator. Play the role of TR at the Teddy Roosevelt Museum and Bait Shop in beautiful Paw Paw, Michigan! Wear a fake moustache! Say things like, "bully!", and, er, "that was bully!" Because nothing says chick magnet like TR.

Wandering

Last night I went out for beers with my sister, came home around 10:45 and promptly fell asleep. Awoke 8 hours later, refreshed. Went to Tim Horton's for a delish Tim Horton's Breakfast Sandwich (THBS) and OJ; read the paper; came back home and cleaned out my car. Took a long time, because, well, my car kind of looked like this. Looks much better now though.

I am now sitting at Panera Bread, using their Internet access to look for DC jobs on the Georgetown law job board. After that, maybe I'll work on the next great American novel. :-)

Need to find a job soon though. I'm getting pretty antsy. And I really want to get back to DC so I can continue my pleasant existence in my favorite city. So vibrant! So much history! So much culture! So many singing opportunities! I miss it. A lot.

Done and Done

• In the past 2 days, I submitted my indecency paper to about 65 journals, including all 32 law reviews in the Top 50 that accept student submissions. You can see the final draft here: Beyond Broadcasting: The Constitutionality of Indecency Regulation on Cable and Direct Broadcast Satellite Services. Hopefully, someone will bite. If not, I'll wait a few weeks and then submit to the next tier. Lather, rinse, repeat as desired.


• It's interesting -- exactly one month ago, I really went all out and made this paper my life. Before I started this final push, I would have never thought that, within 30 days, I could A) DOUBLE the length of the paper, B) make it much better, and C) actually finish it and send it out. The paper is so much stronger than it was when it got an A-, and in the process of revising it, I actually had a lot of fun and came up with several new paper ideas. I dare say, perhaps someday I may become a professor? To have several hours a day to think and research and write... seriously sounds like a blast. :-)
  

Bluebookin' like a Maniac; Sweatin' like a Maniac

• So, I'm done with that paper I've been talking about for a couple months -- "done" in the sense that all I have left to do is check my cites and submit the thing. I'll hopefully complete the cite checking today and then submit it to a dozen or so communications law journals. Over the next few days I will submit it to the several dozen public policy journals. Hopefully somebody will bite.
  
  In any case, I am already excited about various future papers. Ideas:
  
  
  • The Obscenity Paradox: If obscenity by definition has no value, and yet some people want to watch obscenity, doesn't that give it value to certain people?
    
  • IP as PII: Are Internet Protocol addresses "personally identifiable information"?
    
  • Grumpy Old Men Syndrome: When old judges meet new technologies
  
  
  
• In other news, my mom and I are spending countless hours at the gym. It's awesome. I've lost a few pounds over the past couple weeks and I feel great! Highly recommended.
  

PS - Rudy is flying. Updates soon!

Mad Dash to the Finish Line

• I am putting my indecency paper on hold for about a week. I have made amazing progress -- going from 27 to 57 pages in just under two weeks! -- but now I have to focus on my classes. My European Union Law exam is on Monday at 9 a.m., and my International Criminal Law exam is Tuesday at 1:30 p.m. Frankly I'm not aiming for an A on these (a B+ will suit me just fine), so a few days prep on each course should be sufficient. I'll probably spend half the day studying EU Law and half studying ICL on Thursday, Friday and Saturday, and then do EU Law exclusively on Sunday and ICL exclusively on Monday. Or something like that. I'm not too worried -- EU Law is pretty straightforward and a friend gave me the outline for my ICL class. :-) The biggest problem is that we're not allowed to type our exams -- they have to be handwritten, and I haven't done that since undergrad! Five years ago! Blech. I don't think I still know how to write......
  



• I tried jogging today. I made it about 2 minutes before I collapsed and had to walk. Walked for a couple minutes and then jogged another 2 minutes... all in all I maybe jogged for 5 or 6 minutes total. By the end my pulse was up to 180. 180! I am SO damn out of shape! Three years ago I was jogging for 50 minutes without stopping; now I can barely make it around the block. Just imagine what that means: If a tiger were chasing me, I wouldn't be able to get away. I would be eaten. Let me repeat that: I would be eaten by the tiger. I can't be eaten by a tiger! What a horrible way to go! Thus the only solution is to keep jogging 2 / walking 2 / repeat.
  
  The neat thing is, for about a minute -- mostly toward the beginning of the run -- I felt free. It was exhilarating. To be moving so fast, feeling the cool wind rush past me. It felt liberating! And it reminded me of the feeling I used to get many years ago when I jogged for 20-30 minutes every other day. I want to recapture that feeling. Oh, and the most unexpected part was that about 90 minutes after the 5 minute jog, I felt unexpectedly happy and I didn't know why. Like someone had given me some really great news, but then I forgot it, but still felt happy for some reason. Hannah says those are the endorphins. I'll have to take her word for it -- she is pretty experienced in exercise, after all.

My Starbuckian Existence

Bechaied, this is what I do for hours each day. I hope it pays off.

Starbuckian Existence, originally uploaded by CaseWriter21.

I've gotten in the habit of downloading cases into Word and then making extensive use of the "Comment" function. I'll highlight some lines I want to quote, and then "comment" in a manner that closely approximates what I'll write in the paper. It's a very efficient system. Too bad I didn't figure it out until 3+ years into law school.

Touch to make it grow

Lessons Learned from July 29-30, 2006

• When doing anything that stimulates my mind -- such as writing a paper I'm very excited about -- never work on it all the way up to bedtime. Doing so is a recipe for a busy mind that won't shut the hell up and let me sleep. Always try to leave a few hours between extended analytical activity and sleep.
  
  
• If a "Video / DVD" shop has totally blacked out mirrors and requires you to walk through two hefty doors to get in, it probably doesn't sell used copies of It's a Wonderful Life. This can be confirmed by looking around the cramped room to see whether you are surrounded by pictures of naked people having explicit sex. If this is the case, slowly back out of the shop and don't look back.
  

I have enthusiasm, on paper

• Is it odd that as soon as class lets out for the weekend, I rush to Starbucks and eagerly proceed to work on the paper I'm trying to get published? Is there something wrong with me, in that I am actually excited about working on it, and I would rather do this than watch a movie or go sightseeing? Should I be worried that when I find something in my research (a quote, a fact, a statistic, etc.) that really bolsters my claim, I become practically giddy?
  
  
• I worked on the paper for five hours today. The problem is, Every time I think I'm nearing completion, I'll feel compelled to write a sentence that opens up at least another hour's worth of research to verify what I just said. Everything I say has to be cited -- and the research I do to cite it leads to a lot more work.
  
  For instance, I wrote, "They repeat oft-used explanations, note that new technologies built into cable and DBS services give users the power to deal with unwanted indecency, and that’s that – a few pages at most.[1]
  
  "[1] See, e.g. ___________ [LIST THE RECENT CABLE/DBS INDECENCY RULINGS]"
  
  And then I had to do another Lexis search looking for all the indecency rulings having to do with cable and satellite. So I put the search words into Lexis ["indecency & (DBS or satellite or cable)"] and limited my search to FCC decisions, and I got 260 results, at least some of which I had to skim to figure out what they're about. And then in skimming one, I'd see a title like, In the Matter of Complaints Regarding Various Television Broadcasts Between February 2, 2002 and March 8, 2005, and see that it's 97 pages, and realize that I have to read at least some of it. And that document will no doubt lead to at least another few questions, each of which have to be researched, beginning the process again.
  
  Or I'll re-read the paper and realize that I have left out some incredibly elementary (and therefore important) stuff. For instance, what's the TEST for whether something is indecent?
  
  Research papers are like plants, blossoming and sprouting new leaves every time you ask another question. It gets very unwieldy very quickly. The good news is that it leads to a lot of potential new paper topics. :-)
  
  
• I've been having an amusing back and forth with somebody at the FCC, using the web "contact us" form. I'm trying to find out if the FCC can sanction obscenity on satellite radio. Obscenity is different from indecency; indecency has some limited First Amendment protection, while obscenity has none at all. The FAQ on their web site says yes, but the law they cite to only applies to "satellite television." So I'm trying to find out what the actual law is.
  
  The customer service rep writing back has only limited mastery of the English language, and probably no training in the law. I mean, try to parse this for an actual answer:
  
  

  Thanks for writing the FCC again. The information we sent you states the FCC has no authority to regulate programming on satellite radio. This also applies to sattelite and cable tv. No complaint received at the FCC remains unanswered. The Enforcement Bureau reviews complaints received and takes appropriate action when necessary. There´s a difference between not having authority to regulate programming and having authority to impose sanctions on obscene programming. I am enclosing our Fact Sheet on what constuitutes Indecency and Obscenity.

  
  As you might imagine, the "Fact Sheet" was just as helpful.
  
  
• Okay, I'm pissed at the English language. Rereading this post, I realized that I wasn't sure if I had used the word "sanction" properly when I said that I wondered if the FCC could "sanction obscenity on satellite radio." I meant punish. Turns out, it can mean punish OR condone! You're supposed to determine the meaning contextually, but look what happens when it could go either way. Heh. I'm going to stop using that word.